Watching as butts from angry cigarettes smoked in self hatred pile up below my window, littering the grass and ruining it.
Drinking with care and watching every sip, because too much alcohol fills me up and spills over with my secrets to everyone I know.
Listening to everyone else's problems- an agony aunt filled with desperate pleas from others so they block my own.
And the grip is dragging me down and everything is tightening because this lady isn't working with her soft voice and patronising stare. But it's just me who's not making it work. I'm not trying hard enough. She thinks it's all because I went to an all girls school. Asking the wrong questions.
Vanishing acts into my own mind don't work and this constant internal battling of voices is tiring me but she wants me to carry on. And even this is a fight, just words on a screen but it's too much and it's too self involved. Don't bother with this.
People back home who say they care but it's not true. All lies because I know who I am and I know what I am like.
