You don't see it. It amazes me that you are both self obsessed and yet entirely lack self awareness at the same time. You stumble on through and don't notice that it's changing you. It happened every time- you fell and fell and fell, until you couldn't see anything but THEM. They trapped you and entraced you and bewitched you, and you didn't care because you were so loving and loyal and innocent, a wide eyed puppy with hope and love and need in your heart. You gave them everything. But they, they played games with you, and toyed with you, and turned their attentions away, and eventually they broke your heart. Each of them, in turn, they broke your heart. Again and again. Sometimes tiny tears, other times whacking great holes that were jagged around the edges and left you unable to communicate for so long. But you had to mend....
and you mended it wrong.
Little by little your heart changed. They left and they broke you and you fixed yourself with what they left behind- bandaged up with scraps of deceit and lies and game playing and picking and choosing and two timing. And now you are like them. You pick and choose, you lead and play. You are mysterious and deliberately elusive. Two wrongs don't make a right, but you can't see that. You only see your problems, and your life, and your needs. You see nothing else any more. Not even the effect on those around you... Do you know how I am? When they hurt you, they hurt me too. Every time, to see your loyal and loving and devoted heart get twisted. And now it hurts even more to see how they've changed you.
I miss you. The old you. The you who cared.
